Wild Imagination

I have never cried out to You so sincerely and passionately before. I am TRULY willing to put down all my alabastar jars.. every single one of it. I cry to You, because even though I don't understand, I choose to channel all these emotions to You. All I ask for YOU is to comfort me, embrace me, and show me..that you're not the God that smiles maliciously when I'm in pain, but One that is weeping with me. I want to see Your eyes.. I want to feel Your warmth. As hard and heart-wrenching it is, I lay it all down at the altar..and all I desire, is to know that You're here. I know You're.. by faith, I believe that You're here.. but in moments like this, I really want to SEE that You're here. I really want to feel You.

In the end, after crying so endlessly to You, there is no one here... but me.
Why would You hug Owen and placate His fears but not ME? I have to say, I am jealous.

Wild Imagination.
I went to Russell Creek and out of the blue, had an image of Person A running up to me, full of excitement and hugged me so tightly. I felt as if my mourning and pain disappeared.. I felt so warm and at home.
I thought to myself, "why don't I ever have awesome thoughts like this about Jesus?"

Then, I saw, in my wild sense of imagination, Jesus running up to me..full of glory. He hugged me.. but I felt absolutely nothing. Out of no where, I felt it. A strong piercing pain. I saw that He took a knife and jabbed it in my heart.. and as I was bleeding profusely, he dragged me while I was still on the ground, wimping in pain.. and demanded for me to follow Him.

Call it my wild sense of imagination.. but perhaps, I truly feel that towards Him...