Why?

Why so lonely? Why so blue? Why so empty? Why so downcast, oh my soul?

Temptations everywhere. Every minute is a battle- choose Jesus or choose myself. I can't even focus in class anymore..this is getting so draining. I woke up with an overwhelming sense of loneliness and that just sets up the mood for the day. Faces everywhere... unfamiliar faces walk past...and there's me.. and just me.

It's so crazy to my mind that I'm choosing to be intimate with something I can't even see, touch, feel, or hear. Or maybe.. it's just a different kind of seeing, touching, feeling, or hearing. Choosing to be insanely intimate with someone that's not physically right here?! I can only CHOOSE TO BELIEVE that He's physically right here. It takes more energy to CHOOSE TO BELIEVE. Am I not drained enough? ITS SO HARD TO FOLLOW YOU, JESUS.

I have so many memories of intimacy in my mind with other people. They were so real, so warm, so..intimate. Though it may have resulted in some crazy consequences, they were still intimacy... and yet, I have to CHOOSE TO push those memories aside for a God that I CANT EVEN SEE. In any human mind, does that even make sense?!

But nonetheless...
"Find rest, O my soul, In Christ alone..."

I will choose You.