Shell-Shocked

There are times when I sit down.. shocked. I thought it has hit me completely.. but some nights, things are just still so unbelievable. All that has happened this past summer changed my life.. COMPLETELY.. and Lord Jesus, it has been WAY TOO SUDDEN. "Tai Tu Ran Le," is all I told Ines last night.. this is all way too drastic, way too fast. THIS IS WAY TOO SUDDEN. I AM STILL SHELL-SHOCKED.

How exactly does someone live from texts in the morning, texts at night, texts throughout the day, 3-4 hours of oovoo webcam studying daily, a phonecall away, encouraging facebook wall posts, uncountable KAHZILLION memories, ..CONSTANT presence in my life.. to ABSOLUTELY NOTHING?!? BAM! ITS ALL GONE! DOOR SLAM! GAME OVER!! THE END!!!
This complete cut is just way too cruel, way way too cruel. Don't You do things in moderation, Lord Jesus? Do you not hear my heart shatter? Can you come hold my heart?

But honestly, I'm at peace. I have healed 10000x faster than I thought I would. I don't regret listening to the Holy Spirit's voice. I love following Jesus Christ..as much as it hurts me. I have truly understood the joy of my salvation and there are times I just start LAUGHING IN JOY out of the blue. I'm very thankful. Rid all my idols, Lord Jesus, for You are my ONE AND ONLY.

My favorite psalms/hymn this past month.

"As the deer pants for streams of H20,
so my soul pants for You, Oh God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the Living God."

Living Water, I thirst for You..and You only.