"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
I wonder how she felt when she texted me at 3:15am in the morning. I wonder if she was alone, crying by herself. I wonder what she's TRULY going through in the depth of her heart. I wish I woke up to take 3:15am text.. I wish I could drive over to Austin and give her a hug. I wish I can encourage her more with my words and actions. I wish I can give her a babyho tight squeeeezeeee. I wish I know what she's going through. I wish I can do more than just praying.. even though it's the best thing.I surrender my worries because she is in your mighty hands.
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Why do I have to be the stumbling block? Why does everyone else get to talk to him but me? I miss him so dearly. How come no one has updated me about him? HOW IS HE TRULY DOING?! Why can't I read his blog? Is anyone even checking up on him? I pray and my heart breaks. My tongues goes wild and I don't even know why. I wish we could talk late into the night like a good old days. I wish I can send him verses and encourage him with how God has worked in my life. I wish I can truly be his sister in Christ. I desire so much that He is walking with the Lord right now.. that he experiencing deep intimacy with Him despite of his falls. Oh Lord...I surrender my worries because he is in your mighty hands.
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Is he blaming himself right now? He's hurting and I don't even know why. I read his blog and it's all a huge blur to me. Why do I wake up 2 days in a row.. to these posts? Why is he NOT OKAY? WHERE ARE YOU, OH GOD?! He's confused and lost. Oh my goodness, is the Evil One throwing lies into his head about what a bad friend.. blah blah blah..he is? Has he been spending time with you? Has he been living in the SPIRIT and not the FLESH? Give him that peace.. give him that peace.. because you say, "Peace I leave with you; MY PEACE I GIVE YOU. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.." My heart dropped straight to the ground when she signed off on me yesterday. "NVM" is all she said..after telling me that she has been falling and falling. She is so hurt..ALL HER FRIGGING LIFE.. and that Enemy son of the COW won't leave her alone. I wish I can carry her burdens for her.. Ive got just a GLIMPSE of what she goes through because I went through the same cycle as well. She's so lonely and I'm not even there for her. I was insensitive.. laughing with my friends, not realizing that she was so so distressed. It's just been like this all her life..over and over again.. but NO. This cycle will NOT CONTINUE. SHe is a NEW CREATION. She is God's INTIMATE WARRIOR and she will FIGHT IN JESUS NAME, TAKE CAPTIVE EVERY THOUGHT IN OBEDIENCE TO JESUS CHRIST, and seek INTIMACY WITH THE LORD ONLY.
I surrender my worries because she is in your mighty hands.
-----------------------------I surrender my worries because he is in your mighty hands.
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What a shock. I wanted to break down into tears. I have been friends with her for THREE FRIGGING YEARS. We met up weekly, shared prayeRequests, shared our lives, prayed for one another.. THREE FRIGGING YEARS AND I NEVER KNEW SHE WAS NOT A BELIEVER. All these years, I called her my sister in Christ..when she was never IN CHRIST in the first place. She's been doing all these THINGS, CRAPS, WORKS, EMPTY PRAYERS, EMPTY WORSHIP..without even experiencing, understanding, accepting, and believing in the blood of Jesus Christ. HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?! My heart just dropped and wanted to weep endlessly. I woke up this morning and couldn't even believe it. I can't believe I have to pray for her..as an UNBELIEVER to come to know Him. a;sdlkfjdk!!!!I surrender my worries because she is in your mighty hands.
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I wish I was under the PSHS flagpole sitting with her, checking up on her life. I woke up this morning.. and had a RANDOM, OUTOFTHEBLUE burden for her. I was extremely worried. I wasn't even in pain for the loss of our friendship. I was just WORRIED. Is she healing? Does she have good sisters in Christ that spur her towards Jesus Christ? Is she still walking and seeking intimacy with Him? Is she in pain, suffering, crying by herself? Is she having REAL COMMUNITY at this new fellowship? Why have my other friends not checked up on her?!?! When was the last time you called- a week ago!? Why can't you guys check up on her more often?!?! I wish I can. I wish I can facebook message, email, text, blog, oovoo, call and be able to walk alongside her like I used to. But no, I follow the voice of the HolyG and I rest in peace with this break. I surrender my worries because she is in your mighty hands.
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None of them are mine. They are all YOUR BELOVED CHILDREN. I lift them up to You.. knowing that YOU WILL LIFT THEM UP IN DUE TIME. Put your mighty HEALING HAND on their hearts.. your hand is uncountably better than mine. You love them, know them, and weep with them so much more than I do.I surrender my brothers and sisters to You.
THEY ARE UNDER YOUR MIGHTY HAND.
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