You give and take away..
My heart will choose to say..
BLESSED BE YOUR NAME.."
Two months ago, I was singing this song with tears streaming from my eyes. I couldn't sing it.. Lord Jesus, You ripped the biggest chunk out of me..You smashed my heaviest alabaster jar. I was rolling on the ground, throbbing in intense pain.. really..?!?! BLESSED BE YOUR NAME?! Can you really give and just take away ruthlessly without considering my HEART?!
Tonight, I went to a Korean church with Dana&Ly. As we sang that song, I couldn't help but just cry..with TEARS OF JOY. I am SO GLAD that You ripped that chunk out of me. I am so glad that right now, You are truly my sustaining breath. You are truly more than sufficient for me. You are truly my First Love. You are truly my strength in weakness. You are truly my everything. Even though I may not be perfectly in love with You, please..PLEASE..let NOTHING come between the intimacy and the fellowship we have. If there is, Holy G please speak to me and just like the last time, I will let go in obedience even if I don't understand. I don't want to do anything apart from Your will and I am willing to suffer and be in pain just to follow You. Ahbujii, You're truly THE ONE I want to lay my life down for. Keep breaking and molding me to be more like Your Son.
Jesus, YOU ARE MORE THAN WORTH IT.
There are so many Lost people out there. We went to the Korean church for a North Korea Conference.. it completely shattered my heart. WHERE IS MY PLACE IN ALL THIS?! I'm not even talking North Korea and Sudan. But Lord Jesus, what is my role in Your kingdom?! I hate wasting my time, throbbing on the ground because of my insignificant pains. No, it's very significant.. He is molding me through pain.. but can't I see that there's SO MANY LOST PEOPLE OUT THERE?! Can't I see that as I type this post, there are people out there HEADING TOWARDS HELL?!?!
Lord Jesus, I know You've placed people in my life strategically for Your divine purpose. I don't even need to think North Korea or Sudan right now. There are people around me who goes to church, sing empty words, and live in their self-consumed lifestyle, refusing to let go of that crown. There are people around me.. who are secretly masturbating and watch porn every night.. who wakes up and find their uncle on top of them.. who are addicted to alcohol, drugs, and lust... who are secretly cutting themselves in the midst of their loneliness..
WHERE IS MY PLACE IN ALL THIS?! LORD JESUS, GIVE ME AN URGENCY FOR THE LOST. REPLACE MY HEART, MY HANDS, MY FEET, MY EYES.. FOR YOUR HEART, YOUR HANDS, YOUR FEET, YOUR EYES.. I don't want to live for myself anymore. THIS IS GETTING SO SICKENING. TWIGGGGG... WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I praise You, Lord..that 3 months ago, I closed my eyes..and all I saw was demoralizing, demonic, degrading images.. OBJECTS.. shame, lust, fear, demons, loneliness..
But now, I close my eyes.. and people fly through my mind.. people I need to reach out to, people that are so lost and broken.. people that NEED to know that there is LOVE WAITING FOR THEM.
I praise You that I am privileged to meet up with Evonne weekly and pour into her life. EMBRACE THE SPIRITUAL BLESSINGS, SISTER!!!!!
I'm privileged to read Kinpuff's wordpress today..and was so touched praising you that I almost just bawled on the spot. THANK YOU LORD JESUS!! :D :D I treasure her so much.. She's a blessing from above! 
And at the end of the day, I sing back to You.. "Whatever will come.. We'll rise above..
You fail us NOT, You fail us NOT,
No matter the war, OUR HOPE IS SECURE..
You fail us NOT, You FAIL US NOT!!
You're bigger than the battle..
Oh Jesus, YOURE BIGGER THAN THE BATTLE!!!!"
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